I really want to… not have a panic attack everytime something out of the ordinary happens. I really want to be able to stand up for what I find meaning in. I really want to not have to force a bond with somebody. I really want to make art. I want to write about a zillion things. I refused to buy me a journal sha. I really want to be able to defend the things I love. I really want to not be a people pleaser, but I'm simultaneously scared of the void the absence of this person will cause, as a result of my resolve. I really want to be a child, but I'm past that now. I lost all my chances to be a kid, now adulthood is slowly creeping up on me, so I have to adapt. I really want to make my whole life experiences into a book, or maybe a library if I know my stuff. I really want to know what it feels like to love a girl. I really want to know how it feels to own your own space. I really want to know how it feels to own your own money. I really want to know the feeling of having people genuinely appreciate and resonate with the art I create. I really want to know the feeling of having a sea of people with the burning lights of their love glowing up in a dark almost endless, like stars in a dead night sky, singing after me the songs I made and love. I really want to know what hugs feel like, what kisses feel like. I really want to know the feeling of having friends to hangout with. Urghhhh, I'm miserable. I really want to be the closest friend with God. I really want to experience intimate fellowship with friends of like faith. I really want to live. I really want to die. I really want to dance. I really want to cry. I really want to be me. I really want to love. I really want to be loved and appreciated and cherished. I really want to cook, and eat. I really want to go to a cinema, but I can't. I really want to see my favourite movies with my favourite person/s. I really want to listen to my favourite playlist with my favourite person/s. I really want to… *tape ends
Oluwaseun, this is so beautiful and well-written. I'm in tears of ecstacy cause this is just so good .
My Eyes say thank you cause you have done well 💚
Is it possible to restack everything with a note. 😂 Omg!
I didn’t want it to end, so I kept reading over and over again because it made me feel so seen, like you’re living in my head to see all my jumbled thoughts of “This is what I want to do.”
Well done. 💜