it's okay to not be okay

if you don't mind reading my literary chaos, you're welcome.

I finally was able to download 500 days of summer, and Dead Poets Society. I found Love don't cost a thing too. I've been searching for them for like forever. If you mention Netflix or Prime & yada yada, I'll deck you. If I see anybody using Netflix, there's no how you'll tell me that you're broke that I'll believe you, mabinu.

BNXN is mad talented, wth. I could compose 10 songs in a day just from random things. A line could just pop up in my head, “this would hit so hard!” And then I have a song. Inspiration comes to me the most when I'm washing my clothes. I'll dry my hands a zillion times, pick my phone up to type and record the melody so I don't forget.

I would love to be at a Sasha Alex Sloan concert before I die. Lauv too.!

I feel like Christians today are so dishonest and they don't even consider it dishonesty. You want to serve God in truth, but you lie to yourself and to God about your feelings. We’ve been made to think that feeling sad isn't of God. Hence why, when we feel sad, instead of acknowledging, embracing and talking or writing about it, we push it back and leave it to rot in the dump.

We think it's evil to be sad. We forget that we still are, and will remain humans till we become ghosts. We forget that the first step to healing is acknowledgement. So instead of healing the bruise, we cover it up with bandages, untreated.

When you're feeling sad, heartbroken, depressed… please don't hide it. If it's difficult for you to embrace it, see a sad movie, or listen to a song that will get your your well of tears to overflow against your pathetic act of bravado. Talk to your comforter. I heard somebody say on IG or TikTok sometime, they said, paraphrasing, “when you feel sad, and don't take it to the holy spirit, who then do you want to comfort you?”

Whenever I read, or hear people talk about how they would cry everytime they go through a phase, my heart wrenches with envy. “How good it must feel to be able to cry.” There's a lot more to prayer than “Say Father!!!…” Don't make prayer difficult for yourself. Stop being too formal.

Be real with your father. Sing your sad songs in worship my love, my guy. Till the words change. God wants to have these conversations with you. Cast all your cares on Him. Again if it's difficult for you to come to terms with your emotions, find songs, books and movies that'll blur the line between your pathetic act of bravado and your emotions.

When everybody is singing and writing about revival and ascension and battle and binding and casting the devil, and nobody cares to sing about other things that matter and makes us people. Love, sadness, heartbreak, hurt, interests, randoms, etc. It then seems hypocritical, sorry to say. It's like we're disregarding them. “They don't matter.” “Children of God don't get heartbroken.” That's what we're implying indirectly. I have a lot of problems with today's church, this is just a pinch of it.

Let yourself feel what you feel. How do you heal what you don't think exists? It's okay to not be okay. If you keep buttling everything up, you'll explode at a point.

I wrote about five songs earlier today, and this is the first one.

before i leave you today, please know that not every sad themed media is healthy. drugs don't cure sadness. hurting yourself doesn't either. neither does laughing it out and pretending to be fine.

I'll be talking about playlists and how they're a reflection of phases of our lives in my next letter. please do not miss it. share this to your friends also.